The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My vagina is officially offended.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
