Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
