The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
