There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
