He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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