We're facebook friends in real life
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you didnt know i had herpes?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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