he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
