Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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