While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
