I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
