i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
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