Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
