there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
