I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
