That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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