if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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