I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
