hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
