You're so nebulous sometimes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
