dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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