Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
