Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
