Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
