By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
