Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were trust falling into bushes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
