he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
