If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
