he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
