I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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