How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
