I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
