Quick, to the slutcave!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
