I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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