I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
