Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
