cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
