I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
