Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i dont even know how to be here
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
