Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
