How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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