you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
