The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
