I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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