I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
