This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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