Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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