Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
