I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
