A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
