Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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