I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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