goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
