Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
