apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
