the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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